that I want to live with you forever.
This is what Blitzen said last night, in the cab home from the airport. I asked her, ‘What people?’ And Blitzen said, ‘You know, the agency.’
It was a beautiful NYC night, we didn’t even mind waiting in the taxi line after our trip home from NC to visit Andrew’s family. Thank you for a great visit, NC peeps! And we rode home over the Robert Kennedy Bridge (Triborough to me forever, thank you very much) with the windows open and breeze blowing our hair around like crazy, laughing and laughing at how silly we all looked with our tangled, wind-mussed hairdos.
What a sweet thing to say. What a heart wrenching thing to hear because nothing is certain, most uncertain of all, Blitzen’s permanency plan. She has begun asking more about this. Does she get to decide where she lives? When will it be settled? What will happen?
Andrew and I were talking this morning about how awful it will be for Blitzen if she has to leave us. Now, this isn’t just about us or about the relationship that Blitzen has with us which I think is rooted and loving and is really allowing her to grow in a lot of different ways. It is also about the lack of a relationship that she has with her mother. In an ideal world, this family would heal and the kids would be reunited and bio-mom would just get herself together and she and Blitzen would form a strong and nurturing bond. But it is not an ideal world and I am worried. When you have 6 kids, do you pay extra attention to the one that doesn’t seem to like you much or do you focus on the ones that you have bonded with? This is not a commendation of Blitzen’s mom, it is just human nature, I think. No one likes rejection and Blitzen and her mom have a very unhealthy pattern, they reject one another in subtle and not so subtle ways almost every time they see one another. And it is difficult for me to picture how that gets fixed (a single parent, living in poverty, with 6 kids and no positive familial support). It is just a huge hurdle to overcome.
I wish it was just as easy as ‘telling the people’ – many things in life would be better if it simply took a heartfelt declaration of what you want and then, bam, it was done.