Summer camp

Last year, Blitzen had summer school.  Good, keeps one semi-focused on reading skills and other things. Plus, it is free.  This year, we have to find summer camp.  OMG — the exact opposite of free.  Luckily, Andrew has the month of July off or one of us would have to sell a kidney.

We’ve been trying to involve Blitzen in this decision but she is very indecisive.  An example to illustrate this (and maybe it is not indecisiveness, perhaps it is inattention but whatever)  that repeats itself every morning at breakfast, “Blitzen, would you like oj or milk to drink?” The reply is always that last thing, “Milk.”  An adult delivers the milk and Blitzen looks at said adult as though the adult has grown a second head and says, “I don’t want milk.”  The adult will reply something like, “I think you requested milk.” Blitzen then gets all squinty eyed because she thinks we’re trying to con her somehow, “No I didn’t!” And the adult says, “Well, I guess I misunderstood.  You can help yourself to another beverage, if you would like.”  She never does but depending on her mood, sulking and crankiness might ensue.

And so it has been with camp.  “Blitzen, would like to go to gymnastics camp or drama camp?” “Drama.” “Ok, you’re sure, because we have to commit.  I’ll you sign up for drama camp.”  Blitzen will say, “I’m not sure.”  Hmmmm….

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Blitzen, the explorer

Blitzen went to a nature conservatory with her class yesterday and they explored the Hudson River. She was very excited – they all put on waders and got walk around in the river looking for fish and stuff. They found 2 crabs and named them Mr. Crabby Pants 1 and Mr. Crabby Pants 2. I am not actually sure if they were crabs and sadly, it sounds like Mr. Crabby Pants 1 may have had an untimely accidental demise at the hands of the 3rd grade.

I never met a kid that loved to explore and learn and check stuff out more than Blitzen. During breakfast this morning, she asked if she could tell my about the river, again. I had heard it all yesterday but clearly, material this good is worth retelling.

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Teenagers and their funky business

On the train to school one morning last week, Blitzen and I ran into a middle schooler of her acquaintance.  We all got off the train together and this young man started the long 2 block walk to school.

Blitzen turned to me and whispered, “Hurry up.  We need to stay right behind him and keep an eye on him.”

I said, “Honey, I think he is fine, he knows the way.”

Blitzen looked at me with a twinkle in her eye and said, “You don’t understand teenagers.  They can get up to some seriously funky business if you don’t watch them.”

Well, there is no arguing with that.  We tailed the young man to school like a couple of undercover cops,  funky business avoided.

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New Year’s eve, Blitzen style

It was exciting, out of control, quite a party.  There was one sparkler per child (woo-hoo) then 2 bowls of popcorn and hot cocoa as we watched an American Girl Doll movie in our pjs.  All people under 5′ tall were fast asleep by 9:30pm, adults stayed up until 11pm.  Yeah, I haven’t partied like that in years.

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New Year

2012, what a year.

Busy, overflowing, joyful (sometimes), miserable (sometimes), feels like we are moving forward in this crazy, amazing adventure (all the time).

I recently told a friend that as exhausting as this is, as difficult as it is for me on many, many days, when I look back and when I look ahead, I am glad that I am having this experience at this time with Andrew and with Blitzen.  I admit that, occasionally, when I look at the right now, I think ‘wtf, why am I doing this?’  But that feeling quickly passes (usually) and I put a quarter in the swear jar  Blitzen made me because I thought ‘f’.

No matter how difficult this is or where we end up, I am fairly certain that I will be glad that I have done this particular thing in this particular way.

Looking forward to another year of growth (my own, Andrew’s, and Blitzen’s) and love (shared between me, Andrew and Blitzen).

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The Kiddie Pleasure Palace, part 2

As mentioned, there was much to do at this place and it will take multiple posts to describe our weekend o’ fun.

We picked the resort specifically because of the horseback riding component.  This is something that Blitzen has been very consistently wanting to try.  And when she is blue, she comically reminds us of the fact that ‘we’ve never even taken her horseback riding’ as proof positive that we are, indeed, the world’s worst parents.  Anyway, she was quite excited about it and asked lots of questions as we waited for our horses.  I could tell that she was also pretty anxious because she was rocking back and forth on her feet, a classic ‘I am quite unsure of this’ Blitzen tic.

When we got all mounted up, Blitzen’s horse got a little jumpy right out of the paddock (Is that the right term? I am not up on my cowboy talk).  He spun around, whinnied loudly and ended up facing in the wrong direction. Blitzen looked at me nervously and said, ‘I’ve changed my mind.’ A savvy ranch hand quickly assessed the situation, came over and gave Blitzen a few pointers.  After her horse calmed down, she felt brave enough to continue.  It was a very leisurely ride which was perfect for Blitzen’s first time out.  Her horse was a little grumpy the whole way and kept trying to bite the tail of the horse in front of him.  By the end of the trail, Blitzen was having none of it.  When we re-entered the paddock after the ride, her horse did its little dance again.  And Blitzen tugged back on the reins and yelled, ‘Hey, you behave!’  And the horse did — success.

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The Kiddie Pleasure Palace, part 1

We went to one of those child-centered resorts to mark the occasion of our 1st anniversary as a family. There was an indoor water park, horses, a few exotic animals, all kinds of kid-oriented fun including a game show and a dj dance party with a dance off.

Blitzen really loved the party and she won a dance prize, of course. The kid loves the spotlight. I wish I could post the pictures and video of Blitzen sitting on the edge of the stage, raising her hand so high in the air – pick me for the dance, pick me, pick me, pick me!!!! Most of the kids at the dance party were older, middle-school age, including a group of girls celebrating what was probably a 13th birthday.  They would have intimidated the hell out of me but not Blitzen.  She was right there, dancing with them the whole night.

After several rounds of dance off action, Blitzen still hadn’t been picked. Time to problem-solve, she must have thought to herself as marched over to the dj booth, introduced herself and made fast friends with the young man in charge, talking him into a final showdown.  And there you go – Blitzen, please take the stage.

There is very little in life that is more fun than watching a determined Blitzen working to make something happen. She is so brave and open and out there.  It is kind of miraculous.

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Halloween

We had one heck of a Halloween celebration on Saturday before I left town.

First, the agency threw a party and it was mostly great.  They had a haunted house which was not great.  I really don’t know what they were thinking – oh let’s put a bunch of traumatized kids in a room with weird noises and creepy people in costumes that jump out at you as you walk by.  Needless to say, we didn’t stay in the haunted house until the end although we attempted to do it 3 times.  I’ll say this for Blitzen, the kid is not a quitter!  There were many fun, not scary things too - pumpkin decorating (Dasher named her pumpkin Curly Shirley for reasons none of us can fathom and carried it around lovingly all day), cupcake decorating, a little costume parade, spooky stories that were not too spooky, and trick or treating.  All good.

Second, we hosted a Halloween party at our house immediately following the agency party.  I really don’t know what I was thinking.  It was scarier than the haunted house.  But in the end, it was a success.  Both of Blitzen’s sisters came over and 2 of her brothers.  Now interacting with the brothers outside of an agency supervised environment had never happened before. I think all the kids enjoyed it.  We added a couple of Blitzen’s school friends into the mix to keep things lively.  And lively it was – the neighbor came up to complain about the noise twice. Thank goodness for the backyard or he might of called the cops.

Blitzen dressed up a greek goddess (Athena, I think) and added her own accessory – a platinum blonde wig a la Lady Gaga.  It was quite the outfit.  She went around telling people that she was a professional greek goddess. As opposed to an amateur, I suppose.  Originally, she was going to be a mummy but the mummy outfit that we purchased was too itchy, she claimed.  Or perhaps too boring after 2 weeks of wearing it around the house.  So we allowed to her use her own funds to purchase costume number 2.  Andrew explained that it would take an awful lot of guinea pig cage cleaning to earn that money back but she was insistent.  She had to get  a new get-up.  Dasher created her own outfit – a gangster fairy.  Apparently she thought this up all on her own and it was really quite cute – fairy outfit with a little pink biker jacket.  And Dancer was Beyoncé, of course.  The girls all looked great and seemed to have a (mostly – only 2 bouts of crying) relaxed and fun day.

I am sad to be missing the trick or treating fun tonight.  I am glad that not-really-a-hurricane-Sandy didn’t ruin the big, candy filled day.

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Petrified sand dunes

I climbed magnificent, beautiful, deep rusty red, petrified sand dunes. The wind had blown the sand in from goodness knows where, piled it layer upon layer until it created mountains of dust and sand grains. Then it all just hardened and cemented into these crazy, exquisite, intricate patterns. The dunes have stayed almost exactly as they were when they were formed thousands and thousands of years ago.

Many days, I worry about what has hardened in Blitzen. She is an amazingly beautiful creation, the result of random acts and unusual circumstances. She has been buffeted and blown all about. In my humble opinion, she is a freaking miraculous work of nature, she is a wonder, for sure.

But, her anger is locked, frozen, deep inside. What if she can never let it go? The only time she seems capable of releasing any of it is when there is a Blitzen storm, a torrent of emotion that sweeps through like a flash flood. And I don’t know if she is relinquishing her pain or just wearing herself down. Like the dunes that are made of sandstone, she is hard but fragile,  so easy to damage.

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Carrie-cation

For the past several years (I don’t know maybe like 5 or 6??) I’ve taken a vacation every year by myself.  I go to some spa-resorty place that Andrew wouldn’t like and hike and get pampered and read and focus on myself.  I usually do this for 5  days at some point in August.  I didn’t know if I would do it this year because:

1) I really like hanging out with Blitzen even when I don’t like hanging out with Blitzen

2) I get absent mama guilt even though I know it is insane to feel bad about making time to take care of myself

But I am going.  Everyone encouraged me to take a day off yesterday (thank you, loyal readers!) so I took the afternoon to get stuff unpacked at home. I found the sofa, hallelujah!   And now I feel like I can leave town for a long weekend and actually relax.

So on Friday, I am off to red rock country where it will be hot and quiet and I will get centered again, I hope.  And having made this plan, I am reminded of one my first posts.  I wrote it before I had even met Blitzen and damn, it was kinda prophetic, if I do say so myself.  It has been many months of patiently waiting for the sun to illuminate the path, to show me the way.  And every time that I have found the strength to dig deep into the well of patience and love that I didn’t even know that I had, I have been rewarded.  So, away I go, to rejuvenate myself, to fill the well, so that I have the patience to wait as long as it takes.

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