Blitzen’s favorite item

By Blitzen:

My favorite item is my mermaid tail. It makes me feel like I am home. It gives me a shiver. When I am swimming, all I care about is swimming in my tail.

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Summer camp

Last year, Blitzen had summer school.  Good, keeps one semi-focused on reading skills and other things. Plus, it is free.  This year, we have to find summer camp.  OMG — the exact opposite of free.  Luckily, Andrew has the month of July off or one of us would have to sell a kidney.

We’ve been trying to involve Blitzen in this decision but she is very indecisive.  An example to illustrate this (and maybe it is not indecisiveness, perhaps it is inattention but whatever)  that repeats itself every morning at breakfast, “Blitzen, would you like oj or milk to drink?” The reply is always that last thing, “Milk.”  An adult delivers the milk and Blitzen looks at said adult as though the adult has grown a second head and says, “I don’t want milk.”  The adult will reply something like, “I think you requested milk.” Blitzen then gets all squinty eyed because she thinks we’re trying to con her somehow, “No I didn’t!” And the adult says, “Well, I guess I misunderstood.  You can help yourself to another beverage, if you would like.”  She never does but depending on her mood, sulking and crankiness might ensue.

And so it has been with camp.  “Blitzen, would like to go to gymnastics camp or drama camp?” “Drama.” “Ok, you’re sure, because we have to commit.  I’ll you sign up for drama camp.”  Blitzen will say, “I’m not sure.”  Hmmmm….

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Court

All day last Tuesday, all day today.  Blitzen’s lawyer was supposed to see her this weekend and didn’t.  Sigh. And then she called Andrew’s cellphone at 3pm yesterday and Andrew said, “Um, I am at work and Blitzen’s at school”.  So she said she would call back at 7pm and didn’t so we called her and she said, “This isn’t a good time” and then she called at 8:00pm but Blitzen was in the shower so we called her back at 8:15pm.  I don’t know exactly what was said, we gave Blitzen some privacy.  After she got off the phone, she was crying but said that she didn’t want to talk about it. Poor baby, so hard to be in this situation and have to tell some stranger on the phone what you want your life to look like and what you don’t want it to look like.

All this back and forth, uncertainty (and I am not just talking about the court case, even simple phone calls are ridiculously hard).  This is craziness – not healthy or helpful to parents, kids or fosterparents.  So stressful for everyone.  We’ve deliberately avoided talking about court dates with Blitzen.  She is aware that the judge is working on things, talking to her parents. I am sure that the lawyer revealed that she would be conveying Blitzen’s wishes to the judge directly today.  But since Blitzen likes to know exactly what will happen next and precisely when it will happen and since we don’t know anything at all, let alone precisely, we’ve just been talking around the subject.

But we do have a plan should the court ever conclude its business.  If there is a judgement, all the kids will be told together at the agency by the social workers – no parents, no foster-parents in the room.  If it is termination, then foster-parents will be asked to join at the end of the conversation and we’ll talk about planning for visits moving forward, reassure the children that they will continue visit one another and at least for awhile, visit with their parents routinely at the agency.  Then I guess everyone has to figure out the next steps together.

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Put down your book

Last night, Blitzen wanted my attention. She hollered from across the house “Put down your book.”  I replied, “It is hard for me to understand you when you are hollering from upstairs.  Would you like to say that again, please?”  Blitzen came into the room and said, “Please put down your book -  B.O.O.K. – book.”  Well, I’ll take a little bit sassy if it is paired with spelling any time.

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Parent teacher conferences

This year make me smile.  What a difference a stimulating, encouraging, nurturing, loving environment makes.

Our main goal for school this year was getting Blitzen to love school and to feel like a valued, successful member of a community of learners.  All are agreed – A+ (except our school doesn’t give grades but the many pages of thoughtfully written narrative tell the story).

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Mornings

First of all, mornings are so much better than they used to be.  I got out of the way and it really helped.  Andrew and Blitzen have a whole routine and I am just there for good morning hugs and breakfast conversation — it has made all the difference.  Of course, mornings are still mornings.  And I suppose I miss a little bit the quiet, leisurely routine I used to have in another (simpler but more boring) life that included wandering around in my robe and reading the paper.  Now, most mornings are fine but I was standing on the curb today with a pouting 10 year old  asking, “Can you explain why you got so angry this morning?” instead of dashing off to work early, as planned.  And in the end, dashing off to work early was the answer to the question.

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Visit with Rebecca, Clementine and Sandy

This Sunday, following our brunch with family, Blitzen wanted to go to Brooklyn to visit Rebecca and the baby ladies.  Rebecca sweetly accommodated our last minute visit request  – then she took a nap and we took the babies on a walk.  This is Blitzen’s favorite activity, caring for babies.  As usual, she was in charge of the stroller, bottle assembly, feeding and walking/bouncing fussy babies.

At one point in the visit, Blitzen suggested that we create a baby sling.  So using a baby blanket and her sweater, we fashioned a sling.  It was not quite sturdy enough for walking around but it worked well when we were sitting on the bench. As we sat in the sun, shoes off, the littlest of us relaxing in the homemade baby sling, Blitzen said, “I am good at taking care of babies because I’ve been practicing with my dolls.”  That is so true but Blitzen is also good at taking care of babies because she is Blitzen — kind, caring, empathetic and patient.  It is a wonderful thing to watch.

Notice how I artfully colored Sandy’s face to hide her identity

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A mermaid’s meal

Yesterday we went out to brunch with some family visiting from out of town.  For the record, this was Blitzen’s first brunch and we went a french bistro. Blitzen dressed for the occasion – the kid loves to dress for any occasion! — and we were only a little late and only had one minor tiff along the way.

When the waiter read the group the specials, he spoke a length about the oysters.  He went away to allow us time to consider our options and I asked Blitzen, “Would you like the belgian waffle?”  and she loudly announced to the table, “No, I want the oysters.”  Umm, ok. When the waiter returned, Blitzen ordered the oysters – there were a variety to choose from and he wisely suggested a small, mild variety, not too fishy, not too squishy. I ordered the belgian waffle, a side of bacon and some fresh fruit.  I suspected that I was going to have to share.

The oysters arrived in a big, silver bowl of ice with a plethora of lemony, spicy sauces.  Blitzen looked at me and said, “This is cool.  How do you eat it?”  Luckily, I like oysters.  As the crowd observed, I demonstrated.  I suggested to Blitzen that she might try her first one with lots of lemon and lots of spicy cocktail sauce, load that puppy up and slurp it down.  “You can do it!” I said as she hesitated, her lips on the shell.  Then she just dove in and with relish.  Oysters are a new favorite.  After eating half a dozen and some bacon and a waffle, she asked if she could keep the shells.  Umm, ok.  That was clearly a first for the waiter too.

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Mother’s Day is stupid

Blitzen got pissed because I would not take dictation and write her loving sentiment to her mother in the mother’s day card.  Blitzen gets very frustrated by her own slow writing and bad spelling — it takes her a while to get stuff down and I understand, her brain moves much faster than her pen!  I have that problem sometimes too.   I offered to take dictation on paper so that she could then copy the words into the card at her leisure.  No. Not gonna do it.  And then, in typical Blitzen fashion, she twisted my words and actions to reflect her own sad little internal landscape.

“So, you think my handwriting is ugly, is that it?? And you want ugly handwriting in my mommy’s card!!”

“No, honey, I think you have very nice writing and I think that your mommy wants to see your handwriting in her card. She is not my mommy!”  Sigh….

Last year, we ignored Mother’s Day.  Just let it slip on by.  Blitzen’s nana sweetly got me a little gift and I remember how confused Blitzen was — what is this for? you’re not a mom, are you?  This year, my aunt and cousin and little cousins are in town so we’re going out to brunch.  I am kind of dreading it.  Maybe nobody will mention that it is mother’s day or act all lovey toward their mothers.  One can only hope….

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Stealing from Ivy and Bean

Blitzen and I learned these rules from those fictional whacky 2nd graders, Ivy and Bean, last night during story time.  Blitzen thought these were quite funny and we’re thinking about making these our rules to live by:
1) you can only have as much fun as you are willing to get hurt
2) live and learn
3) the counselor is always right  (I suggested substituted the foster parent is always right, Blitzen didn’t think so)
4) if you want to make an omelet, you’ve gotta break some eggs
5) if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em
6) don’t get mad, get even

Ok. Maybe we should skip the last one.

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