As I’ve mentioned, Blitzen really craves time with her sisters but she is increasingly impatient and jealous. She loves spending time with other children but wants Andrew and I to join in (that is ok) but only interact with her directly — that is just too darn hard. Even with strange kids on the playground, we can kinda blow them off and only chase Blitzen when we are assigned the ‘monster’ role during magical freeze tag, but we have to engage them in some way or they just get bored and wander off which ruins the game. It is a delicate balance and the emotional energy around it gets very ramped up when we have playdates with Dancer and Dasher.
A couple of weekends ago, we went to the Y pool for family swim with Blitzen, Dasher and Dancer. The time in the pool time was ok but when it was time to go, Blitzen wanted to jump in the pool one more time and then one more time (anyone who has ever interacted with a kid knows where this is going).
So I said, ‘No, do not jump in the pool again, I mean it, we’re done.’
Blitzen got very upset and stomped off to the kids locker room where she pretty much started to meltdown. I was at the end of my patience – we had had a very negative experience last time we went to the Y (I’ll blog about it another time but will throw out this juicy tidbit – picture Andrew standing in the lobby, waiting for us to get dressed, while some woman goes down to yell at the manager, complaing about that white woman in the locker room who can’t control her children. Ah, yes, that would be me.)
Anyway, Blitzen loses it in the kids locker room and actually shoves Dancer.
Dancer stomps off yelling ‘I am never having kids.’
Blitzen explodes, ‘So it is all my fault?!? You don’t want kids because of me?’
Dancer shouts back, ‘It is not just you, it is Dasher too.’
I am quiet during this exchange and finally just say, ‘Girls, get dressed.’ Silently, I am thinking (and this might just be evil, I don’t know) ‘Thank goodness!’ My biggest fear for Dancer is unexpected (or maybe even worse yet, expected) teenage pregnancy. For a young girl who has spent her entire life caring for younger siblings and not getting to live with her own mother, this seems like a likely scenario and a very sad possibility. And Nana is a bit old fashioned so I don’t see them having a lot of proactive discussions about pre-marital sex and birthcontrol and sexually transmitted disease. It is such a difficult situation on so many levels.
Blitzen responds to it all by stomping out of the locker room. I holler after her (in classic fed-up mom style) ‘Blitzen, if you walk out that door, we’re never coming back to family swim.’ I am laughing at myself now because ‘never’ is a really long time. We’re never coming back to family swim is about as likely as Dancer never having kids.
Eventually Blitzen calmed down, returned and got dressed. We went to the park to run around and blow off steam, the girls made up and it ended on a relatively happy note. But these struggles are continuing and in some ways, getting more difficult. I feel so strongly that Blitzen must remain deeply connected to her sisters but it is utterly exhausting for Andrew and me. I am sure, with time, it will get easier but geez, I am not sure exactly how to manage until then.
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