Blitzen’s favorite item

By Blitzen:

My favorite item is my mermaid tail. It makes me feel like I am home. It gives me a shiver. When I am swimming, all I care about is swimming in my tail.

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Poem in Your Pocket Day

Last Thursday was Poem in Your Pocket Day and the children at Blitzen’s school composed poems and read them to friends, teachers and strangers throughout the day.

My Necklace by the Wonderful Blitzen

I like my necklace
It sings in the wind
It tells me to go swim
It tells I am a mermaid
I go swimming

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An ocean of anxiety

I mentioned that we had a few moments during the vacation that were upsetting and trying.  Many new things, new people, new places.  We were a bit out of our routine.  We operated without a written schedule — we spent a lot of time talking about what would happen next but each day held a level of uncertainty, an element of surprise.

Here is Blitzen, my neice and nephew, joyfully frolicking in the surf before the seaweed.  Yea, seaweed.  Blitzen kind of lost her marbles over seaweed.  Seaweed, the mysterious thing that might grab you.  Seaweed, looks like it might make you itchy if you touched it.  Seaweed, lots and lots of seaweed that was almost impossible to avoid.

Right after this photo was taken, we hit a rough patch, lots of tears because how could she possibly manuever around the seaweed.  So little in our life is about the thing in the moment – it is all code, all cloaked and sometimes I become impatient and forget.  It is just seaweed!!!

Eventually, we recovered, Blitzen her braveness and joy, me my patience and joy.

And the following day, she said to me, as we carefully picked our way, hand in hand, through a seaweed (and seal poop – eww!) strewn patch of beach, ‘Seaweed makes me anxious’.  Well, ok, let’s see what we can do to avoid it then.

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Swimming, anyone?

Blitzen is loving vacation and wearing her little girl self out! Asleep at 7:30pm 2 nights in a row. Today we woke at 5:30am, watched a little tv (we’re on vacation!) and left the apartment that we rented at 7am to head to my mom’s to swim. Swam for 2 hours, went to visit Andrew’s dad and swam for 2 hours, lunch under duress, went to an open gym thing with new bf (my niece) then headed back to swimming for another 2 hours. Early dinner with my family, then collapsed into bed. What a day! I guess a cumulative 6 hours in the water in 115 degrees will do that.

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The Mermaid Parade

The Mermaid Parade can now officially be listed as one of the reasons why it is great to live in NYC and raise a child here.  Because there is an actual parade, just for mermaids, and anyone can participate.

We went, ready to get our fill of mermaid madness.  But we stopped at the beach and stayed at the beach — turns out maybe Blitzen had never been to the beach.* She put on her mermaid tail and swam out to sea.  Just a little bit because she is pretty worried about sharks.  But still, it was an impressive sight.  The other kids were amazed – you have your own tail?!?  And you know how to swim in it!?!

My Aunt joined us for the fun and adventure.  When it became clear that we may never make it to the parade, I reminded her of the time, when I was 11 or so, that she took me and my sister to a really fancy waterpark to do the rides and the waterslides and stuff.  This park also had a wave pool. Well, we stopped at the wave pool and stayed at the wave pool.  She could have taken us to the jersey shore for free!  But it was all fine, everyone had a great time that day, many, many years ago.  And everyone had a great time this weekend although Andrew and I were laughing about the fact that Coney Island is there every day of the year and of course, we went on the busy day of the year and ended up just swimming in the ocean and going to the aquarium.  I love these parenting lessons — the box is always way cooler than the toy inside.  I am learning, slowly…..

*Internet, you might say to me, Carrie, why don’t you just ask Blitzen if she has ever been to the beach?  Why, because if I do that, Blitzen will repeat back a story that she has heard about me and my siblings at the beach but with embellishments.  And it will sound a little something like this, “We went to the beach for a picnic and my little sister dropped her sandwich on the ground and it got all sandy.  But wait, it didn’t just get sandy, about 40 jellyfish got stuck onto it too plus a seagull tried to steal it but when the seagull flew away over the ocean, a dolphin jumped out of the water and stole the sandwich from the seagull.  It was really funny.  My mom used to take us the beach all the time and that would always happen.”

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Snorkeling

We got Blitzen some snorkel gear – the mask and breathing tube thing – for swimming at the Y. She loves to put her face in the water but the water is very chlorine-y, so she needs something to protect her eyes.

She has taken to wearing this equipment in the shower every night.  Keeps the water and soap out of her eyes, she told me.  Ok.  I am waiting for her to ask if she can wear her flippers too.

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I am never having kids — Dancer

As I’ve mentioned, Blitzen really craves time with her sisters but she is increasingly impatient and jealous.  She loves spending time with other children but wants Andrew and I to join in (that is ok) but only interact with her directly — that is just too darn hard.  Even with strange kids on the playground, we can kinda blow them off and only chase Blitzen when we are assigned the ‘monster’ role during magical freeze tag, but we have to engage them in some way or they just get bored and wander off which ruins the game.  It is a delicate balance and the emotional energy around it gets very ramped up when we have playdates with Dancer and Dasher.

A couple of weekends ago, we went to the Y pool for family swim with Blitzen, Dasher and Dancer. The time in the pool time was ok but when it was time to go, Blitzen wanted to jump in the pool one more time and then one more time (anyone who has ever interacted with a kid knows where this is going).

So I said, ‘No, do not jump in the pool again, I mean it, we’re done.’

Blitzen got very upset and stomped off to the kids locker room where she pretty much started to meltdown.  I was at the end of my patience – we had had a very negative experience last time we went to the Y (I’ll blog about it another time but will throw out this juicy tidbit – picture Andrew standing in the lobby, waiting for us to get dressed, while some woman goes down to yell at the manager, complaing about that white woman in the locker room who can’t control her children. Ah, yes, that would be me.)

Anyway, Blitzen loses it in the kids locker room and actually shoves Dancer.

Dancer stomps off yelling ‘I am never having kids.’

Blitzen explodes, ‘So it is all my fault?!? You don’t want kids because of me?’

Dancer shouts back, ‘It is not just you, it is Dasher too.’

I am quiet during this exchange and finally just say, ‘Girls, get dressed.’  Silently, I am thinking (and this might just be evil, I don’t know) ‘Thank goodness!’ My biggest fear for Dancer is unexpected (or maybe even worse yet, expected) teenage pregnancy.  For a young girl who has spent her entire life caring for younger siblings and not getting to live with her own mother, this seems like a likely scenario and a very sad possibility.  And Nana is a bit old fashioned so I don’t see them having a lot of proactive discussions about  pre-marital sex and birthcontrol and sexually transmitted disease.  It is such a difficult situation on so many levels.

Blitzen responds to it all by stomping out of the locker room.  I holler after her (in classic fed-up mom style) ‘Blitzen, if you walk out that door, we’re never coming back to family swim.’  I am laughing at myself now because ‘never’ is a really long time.  We’re never coming back to family swim is about as likely as Dancer never having kids.

Eventually Blitzen calmed down, returned and got dressed.  We went to the park to run around and blow off steam, the girls made up and it ended on a relatively happy note.  But these struggles are continuing and in some ways, getting more difficult.  I feel so strongly that Blitzen must remain deeply connected to her sisters but it is utterly exhausting for Andrew and me.  I am sure, with time, it will get easier but geez, I am not sure exactly how to manage until then.

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Nana and Mom had a fight but not a pow-pow fight

Yup, ok, that is good to hear, I think, that there was no pow-pow.

This was the report of the last family visit from Blitzen.  The sound effect pow-pow accompanied by hand punching movements, comical and sad.  The visit was a little jam packed, as it always seems to be.

This is what I learned, slowly, over the course of several days from Blitzen and Nana and the behavioral therapist.  Dancer and Blitzen had a fight, then Nana and bio-Mom had a fight.  Luckily, bio dad did not show up but apparently bio-Mom’s ex did.  Father of 3 of the 6 kids, he is back on the scene.  We’ll have to wait and see what that might mean.

Blitzen’s behavioral therapist  saw the Blitzen and Dancer exchange.  Both girls are really struggling to find their place within the family.  Dancer thinks Nana favors Blitzen, Blitzen thinks bio-Mom favors Dancer.   They are not quite wrong, in these assumptions, although both adults deny this.  The girls are both very jealous of the other getting attention and, in fact, the adults kind of are too.  It is all further complicated by this very fragmented family tree and family history.  We have another visit this week.  I am hoping for the best.

All that said, Blitzen came home in relatively high spirits. Visit day was followed by an amazing Saturday spent hosting a super fun pool party.  2 kids from school came and one of them brought a friend from the neighborhood.  They all had a great time wading in a tiny, blow up kiddie pool which took up the entire space of our balcony – they stepped straight from our bedroom into the pool, where Blitzen showed off her mermaid tail and everyone was duly impressed.  We played with our beach balls, body painted ourselves with watercolors, had snacks, gave out flamingo lollipops, fish straws and beach-themed stickers in a tiny little sand buckets emblazoned with the words “Blitzen’s Pool Party” and then everybody went home.  A perfect event, if I do say so myself.  And Blitzen was a great host – happy to let the guests actually depart with their goody bags, kind and respectful to everybody.

 

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The world’s funnest (and dirtiest and most dangerous) slip and slide

Nothing like sliding down a steep hill on a giant, slippery, filthy tarp into a disgusting pool of muddy water.  Don’t worry, there is a giant hay bale at the foot of the slide to stop you!

We had a great time with Andrew’s family in NC this weekend.  There was lots of biking, hotel pool swimming, an outing with a pizza picnic, music and this fun homemade waterslide.  And best of all, I got 2 hours of quiet time to read a trashy book.  Love to you, Andrew’s family.  Nothing like an 8 adult to 3 kid ratio to help you relax.

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the deep end

Blitzen started swimming lessons at the end of February and she loves it.  She has come such a long way, we think from her first time in a pool to graduating from the beginning swim class to the next level.  She can swim, with the help of flippers but no floaty device, from one end of the YMCA pool  to the other.  It is a long swim, from shallow water straight to the deep end.  She is determined and happy, fast and confident.

I am still a little nervous about those deep end moments which means I spend a lot time treading water beside her as she swims along.  Occassionally, she’ll forget that she can do it, turn to me and say help.  So I have to be there, within an arm’s reach.  The entire experience seems, in many ways, like the perfect metaphor for our whole experience, our life with Blitzen so far.  In the beginning, there was lots of fear and panic and desperate clinging to the side of the pool.  And I think I mean me as much as Blitzen.  But everyone is getting stronger now, learning as we go, taking deep breaths and kicking our feet, moving along from polliwog to guppy, enjoying most moments.

Once in a while, someone still goes under but so far everyone has popped right back up none the worse for it.

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