I guess I was kind of waiting for one, hoping that I could write that final post that pulled everything together, made it all just fine – the ending that made me (and maybe all of you) optimistic about the future.
But no.
A court date was scheduled for last week. And then cancelled because the judge called in sick after everyone else had arrived at the courthouse. It has been rescheduled for November with yet another judge. I think this is the 4th judge on the case but really only the 3rd because this judge was on the case previously or something.
Blitzen has been in care 2426 days (which can also be counted 58,244 hours if my math is right) and she is certainly no closer to permanency/ reunification /any kind of resolution than when we first met her.
What would you do with 2426 days or 58,244 hours?
You could complete college (if you went full-time and stayed on track) 1.65 times. You could get 2 or 3 master degrees, if you put your mind to it. Travel the world in 180 days 13+ times over. You could drive coast to coast about 1,000 times – assuming that you didn’t stop to smell the roses. I read somewhere it takes like 75 days to climb Mount Everest – so you could do that, a bunch. Hike the Appalachian Trail (takes about 6 months so you could do that maybe 12 times – more if you jog part of the way). Took little more than 1 year and 1 month to build the empire state building or so google tells me.
In 2426 days, you could learn a new language, run a bunch of marathons, master a musical instrument, hell – if you are already super fit and spectacularly talented you could train and compete in the Olympics. You could plant a tree and watch it grow. You could go to a lot of movies – you could make a lot of movies. You could read many books – and write a few too!
Or, you know, you could have a childhood with just the average amount of anxiety and uncertainty.
But no.
Have I ever mentioned that every time that I read a book to Blitzen, about half way through the second chapter, she asks me to read the end? Every time. It is just too tense, it is just too much, the not knowing.
I sure do wish that we could peak ahead to the last page now.
But no. So, gonna leave you without an ending. For all the fosterhood followers – we’ll keep Rebecca up to date, I’m sure that she’ll let you know if anything earth shattering like permanency ever happens.
P.S. In about a week, I’m taking the blog down. We talked to Blitzen about blogging and writing and she, in her very Blitzen way, was completely baffled by the thought of folks sharing their ‘business’ with the whole wide world. So it truly is time to put the blog to bed. I certainly will miss my internet friends, gotta say. This has been the best virtual support group a foster family ever had. Thanks – don’t think we would have made it the past 3 years without all of the peace, love and understanding.
I have checked every day to see if you’ve posted again. This makes me sad, the closing of the blog, but I’m happy you’ll keep Rebecca posted. I read there every day too. I’m so sorry that Blitzen is still not settled. What a horrid way for you all to live, especially a little girl who need so desperately to be secure and somewhere “forever”. It’s a cruel system. I wish you luck and peace and hope and I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers for the ending to be the best for Blitzen.
Much love to all you guys – I’m hoping for permanency/ reunification/resolution and peace of mind for you and Blitzen. Thanks for sharing your story. It was lovely to follow along.
I too have kept checking. I’ll be thinking about you all; please please do get information to Rebecca to pass to us if there is anything major that gets resolved or changes. In any case, hoping for the best for all of you and grateful to you for this blog during its duration. And thank you for everything you’ve done for Blitzen, who — whatever the outcome — has been extremely lucky to find her way into your lives.
Beautifully stated by samm…
I will sorely miss your words of joy, frustration, hope. Hope for a better outlook in life for sweet Blitzen. She, you and Andrew have become part of my daily concern. I will miss your wisdom and wit. In another 2426 days – just over 6 and 1/2 years- she will be very close to aging out of the system. I dearly hope that her – and YOUR- life gains clarity long before that. Blessings and love I send to you for sharing so candidly and compassionately. You and Andrew are the best.
I’ve been checking almost every day… so hoping for that tidy ending as you knew we would be… so surprised to see your post that it almost didn’t register as new.. I’m so so sorry it didn’t end neatly…. I can’t even imagine how hard it all is… All I can say is a heartfelt thank you for trying your best through the whole thing for Blitzen… you..are.. amazing.. don’t ever, ever forget that.. you were the hands & feet of a miracle in her life.. thank you on behalf of the whole universe for going through this.. you all will be in my thoughts & prayers (blog or not)..
Best wishes for a happy ending. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing all this time,
I’ve learned a lot from you. I admire you for choosing to do the hard work of parenting with no promises about the long term outcome. Prayers for Blitzen (and you and Andrew too). Take care of yourself and I hope to hear good news someday through fosterhood.
I’ll miss you. Take care!
Will be thinking of you and hoping for the best.
We’ll miss you guys! Since I’ve started reading here, we’ve had our own 10 yo foster son placed, hopefully for adoption (he’s TPR’d). We hope we can be as good for him as you’ve been for Blitzen (only with permanency!!!)
Thanks for writing – a truly incredible blog and it has been a privilege to follow along for part of the journey. Wishing all of you a safe, bright and happy future.
Thank you for much for sharing your joy, anger, frustration, and hope. I will never forget your family. All the best for you and Blitzen.
I have been a silent follower, lead here through Rebecca. I too am a foster parent and this has been a grat place to be with the like minded. I wish you peace as you go forward and remember Blitzen and all of her families in my prayers.
I wish you all well in whatever the future may hold. I have enjoyed reading your blog and will miss you but you have to do what is best for your family. I pray daily for Blitzen , you, and Andrew.
Love to you all from this internet stranger.
I simply wish you, Andrew, and Blitzen peace. Thanks for sharing so much of yourselves with us. Farewell FosterWee!
I will surely miss the antics of Miss Blitzen, and you will always be in my prayers. I have been here since the very beginning, so I feel like I know you personally now. And ya’ll will be a whole in my life of fostering pals!! HUGS!!
I’ve never commented before but loved following your ups (and downs) and so fully respect how thoughtfully you’ve approached ending the blog and taking it down. I’ll miss hearing from you but it’s the right thing to do. Wishing you all the best potential resolution of this tsauris.
I have checked back to see if you had posted anything new everyday… sometimes multiple times a day. Take care, all of you! Blitzen and Jacket are a large part of why I became a foster mother. I hope that one day, Blitzen might know the impact she had on my foster babies and myself.
Hi, I’ve never commented before but I love your and Fosterhood’s blogs. You have both amazed me and inspired me, and despite all of your crazy stories am considering fostering in the future. Good luck and know that you’re doing a wonderful thing that will leave a lasting positive impression on Blitzen, no matter which way permanency goes. Thank you for sharing
Best of luck and safe passage to you, Andrew, and Blitzen. A friend of mine forwarded me the link to your blog when I started working as an agency caseworker 2 years ago, fresh out of college and bright-eyed with hope. Your blog has been an important companion in my own troubling journey from another side of the system, and I frequently learned from your experiences or was moved to reflect. Thank you.
You have been a daily read for years now, and whilst I think this decision is utterly in character of the thoughtful, loving way you parent, I will miss you, Andrew, and Blitzen. Good luck with everything, and do keep us posted via Fosterhood!
Thankyou for sharing. You are great foster parents, Blitzen is lucky to have spent all those days with you. They were not in vain, no matter the outcome. Your ethical conduct, your creative problem solving, your patience and compassion towards an extremely damaged and challenging child, are an inspiration to many. So many foster children have been parented in a better way because of the example you have set. The blog will be sorely missed.
So much love for the three of you. Thank you for sharing your daily struggles, and thank you for putting Blitzen’s needs and wants at the forefront, always. She deserves the world.
As one of your secret silent readers, I feel like I need to comment. I too am a foster parent and enjoyed reading your honest opinions on “the system”. It has always made me feel less alone. Like you, I have battled so hard when the children started falling through the cracks. Thankfully I have been fortunate to be heard or had things work in the childrens favor. I cannot imagine all that you have been through with Blitzen the past through years and have been shocked that absolutely no one seems to be listening. The three of you hold a special place in the hearts of many who feel they know you without knowing you. Your readers have been cheering you on and hoping for stability/permanency…whatever form it takes. We will continue to think of you and hope for peace as you battle through the next storms. You and Andrew are role models and I believe little hero Blitzen will one day be a role model for many also. Sending much love and offering continued prayers…
Thank you so much for sharing your story with so much discretion, humor and love. Best, best wishes.
Still rooting for your (and Blitzen’s) happy ending… Good luck!
Best of luck with EVERYTHING in your and Blitzen’s life. Happy thoughts will always be sent to you and I hope to eventually hear one day through Rebecca that things have settled for everyone. You are a brave, kind, smart couple and I know everything will eventually work out for you! Keep your chin up, just keep swimming, and thank you for sharing your story.
Wishing you all, especially Blitzen, all the very best for the future.
I would download all of your posts and save them as a master pdf or word file. You might want to look back one day and she might want want some concrete memories
Best wishes to you and Blitzen. I’ve followed on and off for the entire ride depending on how much free time I had. I’m really going to miss hearing what goes on with your family. I hope someday we’ll hear again through Rebecca or some other avenue.
I will miss you but I totally support your decision in taking the blog down. I will be thinking of you and hoping for the best possible outcome for sweet Blitzen.
Man. I have so so so many feelings about sweet Blitzen, and so many hopes that she gets to have a future filled with stability and the right kind of love. Your family, like mine, has chosen to be on this irrational, nonsensical, beautifully devastating journey, and I. Doing so have made such a life changing impact on someone. Keep on keepin on-you guys are fabulous. All the love in the world to all three of you.
Have you thought of keeping the blog, and just making it more vague? Foster parents really need resources like these blogs to fill in the blanks that agencies don’t prepare you for.
I think my two foster sons (ages 9 & 4) were placed with me about the same time you had Blitzen placed with you. My boys are still in limbo also (and probably will be for another year or two) but they are so much closer to permanency than Blitzen and have only been in foster care for half the time she has so I’m considering myself lucky that so much progress has been made on their case compared to Blitzen’s. I wish you and Andrew and Blitzen as much peace and happiness as possible considering the limbo you are all living in. Take care of yourselves!
You are amazing. Thanks for giving us a glimpse into the life of a fostering older children. Wishing Blitzen, you, and Andrew all the best.
I’ve learned so much from you guys. And I adore Blitzen, like I want to be 10 years old and be friends with her. But Blitzen’s story, it fills me with rage. 6 years in foster care is child abuse. She has been so grievously failed by the System. I don’t know who in the System could be held responsible, as everyone blames someone else. But there is grounds for a lawsuit. I hope when she’s an adult, she sues the hell out of her foster agency, or ACS, or all of them. It’s devastating to watch her lose her childhood to impermanency. I’m so sorry that you and Andrew have been forced to watch it happen, powerless to change it. I am hoping and praying for a happy ending for all of you. You all deserve it.
Good luck to you all. You have been an inspiration.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I wish you three the best, and will miss your posts.
I’m glad you’re respecting Blitzen’s bafflement by taking the blog down, even though I’ll miss it in my blog feed. Thank you for sharing the part of the story you could share. I’m still wishing for a happy last chapter. (And general book length. Bad part about life is you don’t have a sense of the thickness of each section the way you do in a book.)
Longtime reader, first time poster. Thank you for sharing with us. Sending you, Blitzen, Andrew, and your families, much love. May your lives be filled with grace and hope.
Thank you for sharing all that you have.
I am so sad to say goodbye; filled with so many emotions and thoughts. First of all, thank you for sharing your honest journey with us. You didn’t sugar coat anything and that has been so important and eye opening to read here. You,
Andrew, and Blitzen have made an impact on this corner of the world. All three of you are an inspiration. Continued prayers and the heartfelt wishes for the rest of the journey.
Warm wishes to you and Blitzen! Thanks for sharing your experience… and for sharing it so honestly. Your blog (and Fosterhood) served as the fuel that got me through foster parent certification.
I will miss your voices in my life so, so much. My husband and I were fostering two amazing, difficult, brilliant, troubled kids when I discovered your blog and it made me feel less crazy, less alone and more hopeful.
I wish the absolute best for Blitzen and for the two of you. Thank you for sharing so much of yourselves with so many of us.
It is so important that Blitzen has the two of you to help her navigate the world and to understand that as important as the ending seems, the real joy of story are the parts between the beginning and the end. You are filling her pages with amazing opportunities she wouldn’t even be able to dream up 2,426 days ago, but more importantly offering the emotional support and respect that she would have never even known. Be incredibly proud of yourselves and Blitzen for the insane road you have navigated and bravely moving forward into the unknown. My wish for your “happily ever after” is strong!
Lots of luck and love and hope to you all. And if you can, go down to Camden Aquarium in November to see the mermaid show.
Like many others I kept checking to see if there were any updates. I hope for very best for the three if you and that you cope with whatever happens. Though I expect I would walk past you in the street not knowing you I wish you the best if luck, I suspect you may need it !
keep writing. you’ll regret it, a couple years from now, if you altogether stop writing about these things. not that you need to keep blogging, but you need to keep recording yours and blitzen’s lives like you have been doing. you need to keep working through this shit with words and addressing things head on in the way that putting it on paper makes you do. blog privately if you need the platform to make yourself write. with a few close-friend readers. though blitzen is appalled now to realize you’ve shared with strangers things about her, one day she is going to treasure all these anecdotes, and feel so connected with you because of the things you wrote, the things you felt. about her, about foster care, about her family. stop writing now and i bet when she’s older she’ll feel like she can’t remember a thing about her life from 11 years on. she might be right–because you are crafting that life for her, helping her remember what happened, who she was, how the three of you lived life together. writing lodges all of that more firmly in your memories. (says the mom who is kicking herself for quitting her private blog long ago, when adoption was finally finalized after 4.5 years of foster care, and who hardly ever writes anymore).
that and you’re good writers.
I don’t want to let you go before telling you that I really enjoyed reading your posts, for their entertainment value, but also as a tiny window in the life of people who don’t have what we take for granted. And I admire you, for your writing skills and most for what you are doing
You will be so wildly missed, but I’m so glad that Blitzen has people like you who listen to her, and her opinions, and I’m glad that people like you exist. I hope only good things for all of you. Thank you for your work, for so long.
Carrie, know that you all will still be in my thoughts and prayers! I REALLY feel that you should present this latest entry to the “powers that be” for thoughtful reflection!
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will really, really miss reading about Blitzen. She is a beautiful soul and I hope that you all get a happy ending. I’m cheering for all of you!
I have read you from the beginning and did hope for that ending that gave Blitzen permanency. I hoped because that is what I want for my grandchild also. I hoped because permanency for Blitzen would give me hope for my grandchild also. She has been in care since two months old and now is almost 3. Enough! This child deserves permanency. She deserves to live with someone who loves her and nurtures her and that is not her bio parents (my stepdaughter and husband).
I have no idea why rights are not already terminated, what makes anyone think that they will be adequate parents. They lost custody of their first child, who was adopted, over 10 years ago, and did the same exact thing when this child was living with them. Isn’t that enough evidence?
After almost three years they have now moved from supervised visits to monitored visits. They can now see her at child services, but a visit supervisor does not have to be in the room. The monitor will come into the room to check on the visit — one two hour visit per week.
What judge in his right mind thinks that this is good for the child?
The court just chugs along sending them to evaluator after evaluator as the bio father’s lawyer, who is paid by the court, keeps saying the evaluators are wrong. How many evaluators saying the same thing is enough?
I can only hope that someday soon a judge does the right thing for Blitzen and for my grandchild.
You have done amazing things for Blitzen. Being in the trenches, as you are, it is hard to see. But, for those of us outside, looking in through your writing, we see the good you have done for her, through trying circumstances.
Please know that even though you are no longer writing, I will keep hoping to see on Rebecca’s blog that finally Blitzen has permanency.
I have learned so much from this blog and it’s made me want to be a foster parent. So if Blitzen asks, tell her that good has come out of sharing her experiences.
That said, I’m super sad that you’re ending the blog. You guys will be missed.
I hope that Blitzen finds permanency soon.
So sorry to hear this. Wishing you three (plus guinneas) all the best.
Your decision makes a lot of sense, but I’m sad to hear it. Reading your story has helped me both as a parent and as a therapist who works with kids who are in foster care. I am so impressed with Blitzen and so sad to hear about all of the ways that they system is failing her. Wishing all of you the best.
I feel like a real friend with real love and concern , even though we have never met. I will always hope for the best . Be blessed.
I have checked in every day…I will really miss your writing. Thank you so much for sharing so transparently. You’ll be missed…I’m cheering for you from Oklahoma.
I have read your blog every day for 2 years, thank you for giving us readers a window into your family’s story. It has been a constant source of inspiration, and a real education for me on what foster children can sometimes go through as a result of the dysfunctional “system” in my own city. I think about Blitzen often, and I am rooting for her to receive the permanent family she absolutely deserves.
I haven’t ever posted, but I’ve been reading and rooting for you all. Blitzen is lucky to have such loving, thoughtful foster parents and you are lucky to have such a fierce, funny, amazing girl. I wish all of you the best for the future and will hope to see some good news on Fosterhood someday.
Whatever the future may hold, I wish y’all the best. I hope Blitzen achieves permanency and that she will be safe and secure and loved. My heart goes out to y’all, and there are not many words that can express my deep sorrow. I will miss your writing and the updates about Blitzen. Peace and blessings to you and your family.
Thank you for writing this blog, Carrie and Andrew. It’s been one of my favorite reads for years. I’ll be hoping for all good things for you and Blitzen as you forge ahead.
Amazed by your patience and perseverance and LOVE over the years. You’ll be rooted for and missed. Wishing you, Andrew and Blitzen resolution without going around the world again or perhaps getting another degree.
Please don’t leave!!
I spent the last few days reading through the archives. It’s so amazing to see how far Blitzen has come. Of course there are still challenges, but she just seems like such a delightful person, you guys are quite lucky.
I know its a few weeks away but Happy Family Anniversary to you guys. I’ll be thinking of you on 11.11.
🙂
You have helped me very much in my foster parenting journey. So often your stories ring true to mine. I wish you all well.
This seems to be how so many foster blogs end. Sorry to see you go, and I hope that Blitzen, you and Andrew find a way to contentment even with the uncertainty. Or, a miracle may occur and you can actually adopt her.
Like so many others, I am sad to emerge from silent readership to say goodbye to my favorite online family and thank you for sharing glimpses of your and Blitzen’s adventure with us. As I add my name to the long list here, I wanted to share with you the impact you’ve had. From the moment I found you, during my senior year in university, I fell in love with Blitzen, whose combined larger-than-life imagination, manner of expressing herself, and attachment needs reminded me of myself and the ways that early adverse experiences can make emotion regulation and relationship-building so difficult later on YET can also be overcome. Your blog quickly joined the short list of favorite websites that I check first thing in the morning, and I’ve been reading it every day for the last 2.5 years. The word “mermaid” immediately brings to mind Blitzen.
In that time, I grew up a little bit, worked as a therapist for at-risk children with backgrounds and needs similar to B’s, and am now applying to grad school in clinical psychology, to hopefully one day be able to improve outcomes for young people whose early experiences have made it difficult for them for them to manage their anxiety. It also goes without saying that I hope to be a foster parent someday. My motivation came from seeing the tremendous progress that Blitzen has made as a result of your love, perseverance, and willingness to dissect tough issues in order to better understand them…and of course from the lovable Miss B herself. Thank you.
I can’t imagine how it must feel to still have no resolution, but please know that you, Andrew, and Blitzen have been a huge inspiration in your strength, love for one another, and teamwork in hanging in there. I’m continuing to hope for permanency for B. I’ll be waiting to check Rebecca’s Fosterhood one day for an update, whether it’s a new tail, a resolution, or you and B at her next birthday party or high school graduation!
I’m so glad I read this before the blog went down. I “met” you all a few years ago, when I was looking for a babysitting job and you were looking for help with Blitzen. I wasn’t a good match, but I started reading then and have followed along ever since. I want to skip ahead and know the ending too – best wishes for all of you and take care!
Sad, this was one of my favorite blogs and I read it regularly. As a future foster parent, (distant future) I felt like this helped me really get an idea of what I might be in for with an older child. I’m so glad I got to hear about it from you. I’ll miss your insightful writing and hope we hear about permanency soon via Rebecca. I know you all are going to be fine, one way or another. Inner strength!
Much love to you all.
Wow, will so miss this blog, but completely understand. I’ve been wondering what the next chapter would be for you all. Hoping for permanency for Blitzen.
We’ll miss you, so much. I know that sounds crazy..but that’s how blogging works. Hoping for peace and joy in your immediate and extended future.
(If you go private, please send me an invite. We’ve emailed about schooling. only k8 at yahoo dot com)
I have never commented before, but I have been following you for a long time. Thank you for sharing your story. I will be thinking of all of you. Thanks for the promise of updating anything major through Rebecca. Wishing Blitzen peace, permanency, and a happy life.
I hope for all the joy and peace in the world for you and Blitzen, and that as you continue on this path that you find ways to continue to share the good insight and advocacy that you began here. Reading your words has changed me, and I do hope you’ll send an update through Rebecca sometime. It’s amazing how much you can learn to care for someone whose name you don’t even know and whose face you’ve never seen.
i shall miss y’all. your insights, gentleness, intelligence, and humor have helped more people than you’ll know. may all good things like love, family, resolution, and hope come to each of you!
I just stumbled upon this blog for the first time. Sad to hear it will be closing soon 😦 We had quite the journey in adopting our two little ones through foster care. The system really drags their feet sometime, it’s sad. (((Hugs))) to you on this journey. If you feel like reading some even though you aren’t posting I’d love to interact with you via my blog. I was a kid from a hard place, and am an adoptive mom. http://www.internalvagabond.wordpress.com